Why Can't I Get on the Wagon?

So, I had some kids, I was pregnant, I gained weight, normal stuff for carrying babies. They came, I went on mat leave and I got fat... and now I can't get unfat. It's not even pregnancy weight, it's "I'm at home snacking twenty four seven, rewarding my hard days with edible treats, buying snacks when I'm at the grocery, binge eating, chowing down on what the babies won't eat" weight. I have to change! I have to and I know it and I can't! I can't get on the weight loss wagon. I've always been up and down with my weight and the wagon was always hard to get a foot on, but once I found my footing I was on and it was good. I could use time as my excuse but I can always make the time to eat poorly and that's my biggest hurdle. So after knowing and trying to unsuccessfully stay on the wagon I am resorting myself to writing it all down, laying it on the line, maybe identify where my major flaws lie. This is going to be a log of the good, the bad, and the ugly. And hopefully if I have to write it down and acknowledge it the ugly will become less and less and finally go away.
Point 1. I have decided to write this blog to lose weight then I found a Kinder rabbit and I ate it all, just like that, after 4 Hersey kisses. I wasn't suppose to eat any chocolate after dinner, I had a glass of water and that was going to be it and then the wagon ran me over. GAAAHH! I gotta stop. I have to give up sweets and I'm going to start today... again... for the twentieth time. But hopefully I can hang onto the rope dragging me behind this wagon and eventually pull myself up.
My first goal is to give up chocolate and junk snacks for the rest of this month. That's only a couple weeks so small steps. I am not going to reward myself for giving up chocolate with eating something else bad. I'm not going to reward myself at all.
The reality is that I'm fat, mostly belly fat, it's bad, it's gross, and worst is it's unhealthy. The belly fat is the worst fat you can carry, and I found out that I have a fatty liver as well. So for me, my family, my little guys I am going to do this!

Goal 1: Give up Chocolate and Chips for the month of April